Friday, February 4, 2011, my best friend, brother, other half, etc. was taken from me. (Not just me, but the world) This was the hardest day of my life. I find it easy to talk about when it is just casually brought up in conversation (which is often), and I also find it easy to joke about what happened (because my brother was a funny guy), but when it comes down to it, I hate to think about it. I hate everything about it. Everyone always tells me how strong I am, but Im really not. I just never allow myself to "feel". I never tell anyone what Im really going through or how I reacted to it. I always stay with the facts. But no one knows what was going through my head that night. But Im about to let it all out.....
So that night, I was working until 9:00 PM. I was on the phone with my friend, Allie, on the way back from work. We were debating on whether or not I should go to her house or go to Matt's house. Since my dad and my brother are constantly going out of town for work, and the were going to be in town on the same weekend, Allie and I decided I should just go to her house, because we had a family dinner planned for the next day. So I drove on over to her house, we did homework, talked about random stuff, talked about how we didnt want to go to work the next morning, and then at about 9:45, I got a phone call from a girl, Alexis. The first thing she said when I answered the phone was "What happened at your brother's house?" Generally, this wouldnt worry me....stupid stuff always happened at Matt's house. But for some reason, I felt like something was wrong. (As did my mother, father, cousins, etc.) So we talked about it, and what she had heard was someone had been shot. She didnt know who, didnt know where, but it was bad. Im rushing out of Allies house, getting in my car, all while shes explaining to her parents where shes going and why. (Her dad HATED my brother.) We leave, and during the madness, Alexis has called me about 3 more times. Finally I answer. "KALEB IS DEAD! KALEB IS DEAD!" (Kaleb was Matt's "best friend") Im freaking out. Kaleb cant be dead. I start screaming and crying, so Allie makes me pull over so she can drive. Im trying to call my dad, who is on his way back from Pennsylvania, and Im trying to tell him. Hes getting mad at me because he doesnt understand what Im saying. Allie is trying to calm me down and tell me that were going to get there, and Matt and Kaleb both will be sitting in the back of a cop car, and we will be laughing at them.
Well, we get there, and there is an ambulance, a fire truck, and 3 cop cars around his driveway. Crime scene tape is all around his property line. I jump out of the car before it stops and run up to the police. "Are you Montana?" (Something I DIDNT want to hear) About the time he says that, Kaleb walks out of the house in hand cuffs. I fell to the ground. Thats supposed to be Matt. Matt is supposed to be alive, not Kaleb. I was in shock. My brother cant be dead. He just cant. Hes only 19. He has a baby girl. This CANT be real.
The rest of the night was a blur. I remember calling my mom. Worst phone call ever. She answered all cheerful and said "Hey baby girl, watcha doing?" I hated that phone call.
Hours passed, more people showed. Everyone was there. Everyone but Matt.
As much as I would like to continue, Professor Lindberg is asking us to stop.